Killer High: Fresno man's journey from fentanyl addiction to recovery and purpose

FRESNO, Calif. (KFSN) -- Editor's Note: This story contains references to drug use, overdose, and suicide that may be disturbing to some readers. If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse or thoughts of suicide, help is available. Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, or reach out to the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for free, confidential support.

Howie Piper's story begins in Brockton, Massachusetts, where he grew up in a big Italian family.

"Lots of food, lots of wine," he said.

But by third grade, he was already getting in trouble.

"I wanted the excitement, I wanted the attention," he said. "I had every opportunity handed to me, and I just didn't take it."

At 13, he tried cocaine for the first time - in math class.

"Then OxyContin came around -- five, 10 of them a day," he said. "If you do heroin, it's the same high. It's actually cheaper."

Heroin eventually gave way to fentanyl.

"In 2016, I was in a detox and four kids left. Three of them died in the parking lot," Howie said. "Everybody just thought it was really strong heroin. But it was fentanyl."

He didn't stop.

"We were like, 'That's cool. We'll just do less of it.'" he admitted. "Heroin will take 20 years to kill you. Fentanyl takes 20 minutes."

His turning point came inside a trailer in the woods.

"It was like an episode straight off of Hoarders," Howie recalled. "Stuff stacked everywhere, dirty diapers, trash, everybody was using."

One day, he woke up next to someone who had died.

"That was the wake-up call," he said. "Why this person? Why not me?"

Even then, he struggled. He tried to end his life on a train.

"It didn't work -- I couldn't do it my way anymore," he said.

After 25 years of addiction, Howie found his way to Fresno and walked into a recovery meeting. That's where he met Danny, and something clicked. The two realized fentanyl wasn't being addressed in recovery circles the way it should.

"There was nothing that identified fentanyl as dangerous as it really is," he said.

That conversation led to the creation of Fentanyl Anonymous, a peer-led, judgment-free recovery group now with chapters across the country and internationally.

"You can come in and 100% not be judged," Howie said. "The goal is the same for every person in that room - to live a better life."

He's now seven years sober.

"It's my longest working a constant program," he said. "I've had time before, but I was never as recovered as I am now."

He says service work keeps him sober.

"You can't keep what you have if you don't give it away," he said. "I meditate, I pray, I'm part of a church now. I wouldn't change it. The most at peace I've ever been."

Despite the praise he receives for his recovery work, he admits it's still hard to accept recognition.

"I still kind of feel undeserving," he said. "And I don't know why."

But one thing's clear - he's not done yet. "There's more work to do."

To learn more about Fentanyl Anonymous and to attend a meeting, visit their website here.

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, help is available. Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 to connect with a trained counselor, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Support is free and confidential.