'Suicide Survivor' opens conversation about depression

FRESNO, Calif. (KFSN) -- One in five adults suffers from depression. And there are countless organizations that offer help. But working up the courage to get help isn't always easy.

On the outside Clovis native Angelica Padilla has it all, a great family and career, just like Robin Williams. But depression ate at her. And for the first time she's spoken publicly about it.

Padilla says with so much focus on the death of Robin Williams now is a time to help others begin to understand the debilitating struggles associated with mental illness.

She calls herself a survivor. She's suffered with depression much of her life. But she's only acknowledged it for the past 9 years. Still, it's been a long, dark journey.

"There's no more hope," Padilla says. "You really don't believe that it's going to get any better or that it's going to change. You just want to end it."

Padilla says she immediately identified with Williams when news broke about his apparent suicide. "The way the door's closed," she said. "And there's no other windows for you to escape and that is the only solution."

She says her depression took her into a dark place where, as Williams said in the movie What Dreams May Come, a story about suicide, "What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not."

"Your mind plays tricks on you," Padilla said. "And sometimes it tells you... That's what it told me, my kids and my family were going to be better off if I wasn't here."

Her attempts to take her life, she says, ultimately helped her to remove the shame and reach for help.

One of her supporters now is Leann Gouveia, the executive director of Survivors of Suicide Loss.

Gouveia says in Fresno County last year there were two suicides every week.

There's a long list of symptoms to watch for as many subtly reach for help. "Not finding pleasure in things once enjoyed, not taking care of one's self, feelings of emptiness, sadness, hopelessness, low self-esteem, and low self-worth," Gouveia said.

Padilla hopes her story, and the death of Robin Williams, will remove the stigma surrounding mental illness.

Padilla is managing her depression with medication, counseling and support. She points out a depressed person usually needs that personal support before reaching out to professionals.

To get help with depression or suicidal thoughts you can call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).